Thứ Sáu, 9 tháng 10, 2009

CƯỜI CHÚT CHƠI

1. DẤU PHẨY

From: Cau Do * Bao Ngo

Dấu phảy trong Việt Ngữ:

"Mỗi gia đình có 2 con, vợ chồng hạnh phúc"

Nếu chuyển vị trí của dấu phảy, sẽ thành:

"Mỗi gia đình có 2 con vợ, chồng hạnh phúc"

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Dấu phảy trong Anh Van:

Woman without her Man is nothing

Người Đàn Ông sẽ đọc là: “Woman! without her Man, is nothing.”

Còn người Đàn Bà sẽ đọc là: “Woman! without her, Man is nothing.”


2.You Gotta Love The Irish

From : Nhu Nguyen * Eileen Chang

The Errand
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
- "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"
- "Nothin' ,> said the Irishman,"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"


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The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick
"No," replied the Irishman."I've lost all me luggage "
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman..

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Water to wine

An Irish priest is driving down to NewYork and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car .
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good
Lord! He's done it again!"

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The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel,and the other Irishman said,"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are falling' victim to emptation."
Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen aid, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."

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Lost at sea

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.This particular genie, owever, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out,
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!

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The Fall

Murphy in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet,he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored,"let it be blood!!"

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(And saving the best for last...)

You've Been Drinking Again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
Again, he fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look, an intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called;you left your wheelchair there again ."

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